Saturday morning I woke up with swollen eyes and a heavy heart. We didn't really talk about her all day, but waited until the babies were winding down and getting ready for bed. Zeke was on the laptop, and all of a sudden he started talking about chromosomes. He was researching again! I was inspired so I started googling things too. I somehow found some kind of society for genetic counselors, and realized that there was an office in Huntsville. I immediately--without any hesitation--started emailing files to a geneticist in Huntsville. We were desperate! We decided to try to talk to them before we had to make a decision on Monday.
Sometime in the middle of a sleepless night Saturday night, I was googling Suixi orphanages. It seemed that my Lifeline China page had suddenly been full of posts about Suixi, and I wanted to see pictures and get more information. I found a blog about visiting Suixi, and remembered that Lifeline had a blog too. When I googled "Lifeline blog," and clicked on the link, there was our girl! The story that came up said "Sophie's Story." My heart stopped! I had to wake Zeke up to make him see it too. Her story broke our hearts, but what a sweet little blog star! I couldn't quit looking at her picture.
On Monday, I called the number I had found online for the genetic counselor but got her voicemail. I left a message and kept waiting, hoping I would see a 256 number pop up before that 205 number called for our decision, but it didn't happen! Our social worker called before I was ready to give an answer. I shared what we had learned from the IAC with her and told her that we couldn't really say yes or no at that point, but we had been hoping to get more information from the genetic counselors. I assumed that our indecision would be taken as a no, but she said that since we had contacted people and they had not replied, we could have another week to consider her file! I was amazed! I didn't even know that was an option. I did discuss with her that we had seen "Sophie" online and didn't want to block her from being considered by another family if someone saw her and called. She told me that she had been on hold for our family since Day One (!), but that their priority was to advocate for her and so if anyone called they would create a pool of interested families to contact after we had made a decision. Win-win for everyone. Strangely, although we weren't any closer to making a decision than we had been before the phone call, I felt relieved when I hung up. It almost felt like she had been given back to me, and I kind of liked that feeling.
On Tuesday, I gave up waiting for a phone call and called the office of the genetic counselors. I spoke to their administrator, who was super nice (and an adoptive mom herself!) but who was really concerned about HIPAA and whether she could give out any information. She called back and asked more questions later in the day, and made plans to call our social worker and get the ok to investigate further. I felt like things were happening, so I was content to let them work on it for a bit and wait. Other than praying for peace and clarity (and maybe checking out some baby girl clothes online!), we kind of tried not to think about things for a couple of days.
On Wednesday, I realized that EVERYTHING that I had written on my calendar for Monday and Tuesday either didn't happen or got changed. Yes, I know that shouldn't be a big deal. But to Type A planner-girl, crossing out that writing two days in a row made me twitch. I wrote underneath it, "The best-laid plans of mice and men...God, what are you teaching us?" I'm pretty sure He laughed.
Thursday was December 1. Our sweet girl's birthday! Halfway around the world, a little girl in a Foster Center was turning one. When I walked into school, there was a gift hanging on my door. My sweet next-door neighbor-friend had left me a card and a sweet plaque that said, "Celebrate every tiny victory." I loved it and put it on my computer. Every time I looked at it, I wondered if "Sophie" might be opening a gift or celebrating in China. I thought about her all day! That afternoon, a friend at school asked me about our girl. I told her everything--what we knew, what we didn't know, and why we were afraid to say yes. When I finished, I remember thinking, "That didn't sound so bad!" It was the first time that thought had crossed my mind since the phone call from the IAC, and it felt good! Then, I decided on a whim to deliver one of our adoption shirts to a sweet friend who has also adopted from China. I was only about three weeks late in delivering at that point, so the timing was "random." Without sharing too much of her story, while we were talking she asked for an update and when I started to tell her what we had found, she understood completely. It was the strangest and most comforting "coincidence" we had experienced at that point, and I started to feel a glimmer of hope that we really could make this work. I began to feel like she was our sweet girl again, and although I didn't realize it then, God had started to whisper.
On Friday, we still hadn't heard from the genetic counselors. We only had the weekend left, and then decision time was looming. Yep--time for me to curl into the fetal position again. I woke up early and had a great quiet time before school, during which I reminded God that we had 72 hours to make a decision (as if He didn't know). I just really wanted HIS answer, and I wanted it to be clear!
At lunch, I called the genetic counselors' office in Huntsville, and the administrator informed me that she had spoken to our social worker and that she was going to call us and refer us back to UAB. Our social worker thought that the administrator was calling. So...no one had called. Womp womp. We actually discussed driving to UAB and just sitting in an office until someone could talk to us, either that day or on Monday, or maybe even calling the IAC again over the weekend to try to get more information. I actually wasn't even frustrated, because by this point, we really knew deep down that even if they could tell us that the medical report was correct, they couldn't tell us what that would mean for her future. It just became a question of whether we would take the leap of faith. After my conversations on Thursday, I was really feeling like she was our girl, but I thought that Zeke was leaning towards no. We had already discussed it and knew that if both of us weren't 100% sure, we couldn't say yes. Potentially walking into more intense special needs than we had anticipated meant that neither of us could ever have the opportunity to look back and question the other's role in our decision. I had asked several close friends to pray that either God would give me a very loud "NO" or give Zeke a very loud "YES" over the next two days, and Courtney had prayed that morning that God would be so clear that she told me not to be afraid when He spoke aloud. At that point, I was HOPING for that loud voice and writing on the wall! I talked to our social worker again that afternoon and asked for her advice. She reassured me that if we said no, it was of no consequence to our family, and that our strength was knowing our family's capacity and being able to do what we knew was best for us. She promised to pray with us over the weekend. I felt better after I hung up with her and promised to talk to her again on Monday.
Friday night, I started getting out Christmas decorations. We were hosting our Sunday School Christmas party on Sunday, and had nothing done! I started making a really big mess. Around 7pm, I clicked on Facebook, and saw this picture:
My heart stopped, and I read the update and clicked the link. Lifeline had added a video of the Foster Center Director talking about her, and it was fun to watch that and see what she had to say. I kept decorating, and clicked on Facebook again around 1am. There was a post in the Lifeline China group by another adoptive mom who had received PA for her sweet baby that day, FROM SUIXI. She was asking if anyone was going to Suixi soon so that she could send some gifts. I started reading the comments, and there were two ladies who said that they had seen her baby and could talk to her, because it was often helpful to be able to talk to someone who had actually laid eyes on your baby. My heart started pounding, and I couldn't help it: I hijacked her Facebook post! I posted that I was also a Lifeline mom with a file of a sweet girl from Suixi who needed more information by Monday, and asked both of these ladies to check their Facebook messages. I sent two quick messages asking if they knew our baby and if they could give me more information about her. I woke Zeke up to share what I had found with him. We had said during the whole decision making process that if we couldn't just fly to China and see her and hold her ourselves to see how she was doing, we would love to talk to someone else who had seen her and held her and knew what she was like. Here was our opportunity! I sent friend requests so that maybe they would see the messages that I sent, and I finally went to bed a little after 2, exhausted yet excited. God was getting louder.
I woke up Saturday morning and checked my messages. Nothing yet. I checked my email. I saw this:
Really? There she is again! Apparently our girl IS a rockstar :) A few minutes later, I received a message from one of the ladies that I had contacted. She said that I could email her anytime! That could have been the wrong thing to say, because I took her up on it. She also said that she had been praying for her family since the first day she held her, and that she was easy to fall in love with. I felt triumphant. Ha! I knew it! She is precious! I sent an email introducing us and asking for information, and waited. I ran some errands, had a great conversation with my mom about our decision, and headed back home. I had been texting Courtney about all of these little coincidences all day, and she asked me that afternoon if I had heard anything yet. I had just checked my email so I said no, then immediately refreshed my email, and there it was! Of course, our new Lifeline friend didn't have a crystal ball, but she was able to say this:
What I will tell you though is she is a sweet, lovable little girl who has come a long way since the day I stood over her crib and looked down at her at Suixi.
Oh, my heart. I needed to know that. I needed to hear someone talk about her like she was a real person and not a medical file with scary words and lots of question marks. I needed to know that she was a prize. I needed to see her through the eyes of someone who loves her, and through a series of emails that she was so gracious to send on a Saturday, I saw that. My heart gave in and I loved her too--without reservation. I read and replied and forwarded emails, and Zeke and I laughed at some of the little stories that were shared. Finally, he said, "Where are you?" I just turned it around and said, "Where are YOU?" He said, "I'm about ready to just give this story to God and see what He does with it." I immediately started crying and said, "Me too!" It was the most amazing feeling of surrender and relief. We curled up in the recliner together (he said he felt like he was holding Buddy the Elf. Ha.) and prayed and thanked God for what He was doing in our lives and for choosing us to be Judy Lin's parents. We felt incredibly honored and grateful. And relieved. All of that potentially scary stuff somehow melted away once we called her daughter. Whatever comes, she is ours, and from now on we will all handle it together.
When I shared with Zeke that I thought he was going to say no, he showed me what he had been working on while I was gone. He was trying to figure out how to space out SIX stockings on our mantle and make it look right. The proof? He had six little hooks sitting on the mantle. I had to take a picture.
At this point, we shared with our family and close friends that we were ready to say yes to our girl! We really wanted to shout it from the rooftops but had to contain it until we officially said yes and China officially accepted us. On Sunday, I thought of one more question for our new friend at Lifeline and sent a final email. She replied, and I was able to tell her that we were saying yes on Monday morning. This time, her reply was my favorite:
To add to her story...I carried her out of the orphanage that day in April, took her to the hospital held her while they examined her and held her as they did x-rays and just held her whenever I could while we were there. I will never forget my time with her and I hope one day we can sit down and share stories. At that time in April I was praying she would survive. Then as she started thriving my prayers turned into prayers that she would she have a mama and that she would live in Alabama. :-) This sweet girl stole my heart! And I am thrilled that she will be in Alabama!!!
I felt like it was confirmation that our girl was meant to be ours. I emailed our social worker and let her know to expect our phone call on Monday morning! Finally, Monday afternoon, December 5, we officially said YES to our sweet girl. We don't know what the future holds for her, but for that matter, we don't know what the future holds for any of us. We just know for certain that by the time we said yes on that rainy Saturday afternoon, it felt like God was shouting at us through "coincidences" and feelings and conversations. We know how it felt to say that yes and feel the peace that we had made the right decision. And we know that looking back, there are even more coincidences--when she was in the hospital in April, fighting for her life, I had written on my calendar that "My heart is heavy for China today." I was praying for Judy Lin without even knowing what to pray. On our anniversary, she was having bloodwork done so that she could have a file created that would get her to us. And on the day that I was randomly spontaneous and outspoken, so was Mr. Newell, who, in his owns words, typically doesn't mention specific children to waiting families.
We are blessed and honored that we were chosen for her and she was chosen for us. We cannot WAIT to go to China and bring our girl home. More than anything, we want her story to be seen as His story. We believe now, more than ever, that things don't happen by chance. Yes, we could have adopted any one of the 153 million orphans in the world. It would have been what we are called to do and it would have been amazing, but HE placed HER with US. He does SET the lonely in families. (Psalm 68:6) This is not random; it's not an accident or a fluke. He has had plans for our sweet Judy Lin since before the Earth was formed, and we are so excited to have a front-row seat to watch it all unfold.
So without further ado, we would like to introduce to you our daughter, Judy Lin Terry.
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